Adversity

I have felt impressed to write this post for a while now. I have been approached quite a few times recently about our short (18 months) (Yes it was short, even though it felt like it was NEVER going to happen for us) struggle with infertility.

I just want to share a few insights that helped me through this time. Even though my particular struggle was fertility or lack thereof, I have found that what helped me, is pretty generic and can be applied to almost anything dealing with adversity.


1. Utilize the Priesthood 
During this time in my life, My husband gave me at least 2 blessings a month. Sometimes I was afraid to ask for them, but he was polite and offered a lot of the times. This was my outlet. My way of hearing what the Lord wanted me to do for myself. A lot of the times I spent hoping and praying I would be promised a child, but I never heard those words. I often heard words of confidence, and my good qualities pointed out to lift me up. I literally always felt better after a blessing. The priesthood keys are on this earth, and the Lord utilizes it as an alley way to communicate with us. So please, don't hesitate to ask for Priesthood blessings.  

2. Trust the Lord 
Trusting the Lord is easier said than done. I cant tell you how many times I questioned him. I did not understand why he would give my husband and I the go ahead to try to start our family, and then not bless us. I did not understand why he "called" me to serve as the Compassionate Service Leader, when in a ward like mine, all that calling entails is meal sign ups for women who just had their babies. I did not understand why everyone around me was being blessed with parenthood but Huston and I were not. Did the Lord not see us fit? Did he not trust us with his divinest role on earth, to be parents? I struggled time after time. I questioned and questioned.. until my kind husband gave me a blessing one day. The words TRUST HIM have never struck my heart so hard before. When I received this blessing  I had just received my calling and accepted it, before realizing what it entailed. I felt extremely inadequate. But in my husbands blessing, he stated that the Lord trusted me with the care of these  pregnant sisters, and that he has a plan for me, if I just but trust in him. (Mind you only 3 weeks later was when I took a positive pregnancy test) this was extremely hard for me, but the word's Trust him stuck in my head.  We must always trust the Lord and understand he has a better plan for us.
Timing is always everything, and we now realize that the blessing of this child, is happening at what couldn't be a more perfect time in our lives.

3. Start and Gratitude Journal
I was challenged in a religion class to keep a gratitude journal. My teacher Elder Wilson quoted an apostle, "Those who keep record, see the Lord's hand more in their lives than those who don't!" That statement really hit my heart. I needed to see the Lord's hand in my life because apparently I thought it was missing. I felt forgotten and did not feel very blessed because all I could see was what I DIDNT HAVE. Anyway, I can tell you right now, this is the single best thing I have ever done for myself. I will shout to everyone I know.. KEEP A GRATITUDE JOURNAL. The Lord is so present in our lives its ridiculous. I have also never felt so loved and adored in my entire life. It truly helped me to see the good and not the ugly in my life. Turns out, I had so many blessings I just was not seeing them. Even the littlest blessings of a little note or text from a friend or my mom were considered HUGE blessings at the time, in my book. This also helped me understand my next statement.

4. Understand the Lord Trusts You and LOVES You
The Lord LOVES YOU, TRUSTS YOU, and WANTS TO BLESS YOU. If you keep a gratitude journal, You will see just how well the Lord KNOWS you, and LOVES you. I was always amazed at how well He was in tune to my needs. I have never felt so loved before in my life, or close to the Lord as i recognized his hand. So please, understand that the Lord does trust you, and love you. Easier said than done I know. All I can say is that the Lord sits on a cloud and waits to bless you. He WANTS to bless you. and HE WILL.

5. Don't compare your life to others 
Self explanatory if you ask me. In my case, EVERYONE I knew, including my friends who struggled with me and who I relied on, were getting pregnant. I felt literally like I was alone. I also was judgmental. I always felt like we were better off than others, and we could be better parents.  RUDE, i know.. but its the truth. I can honestly say that these were the most detrimental thoughts to my mental health. Please, if you just focus on your life and what you have to offer... YOU WILL BE MUCH HAPPIER. Do not waste your time comparing your life to someone else's life. The Lord's Plan is for YOU and no one else.

6. Don't wait to be Happy 

Dieter F. Uchtdorf has spoken two of my most favorite talks of all the talks! "Forget Me Not" and "Your Happily Ever After". In the first one, he talks about how some people are still waiting for their "golden ticket", or the thing in their life which will finally make them happy. They sit, they wait for it, without actually realizing that they can be happy NOW! Today! The choice is ours. The second talk was about how we have to get through adversity to get to our happily ever after, just like how all the princesses in the Disney stories had to face adversity before they got their prince. Dont wait to be happy. Chose to be HAPPY NOW! Easier said than done, but what a good principle to live by! 

7. Do what you feel is right for YOU
Listen to yourself. Do something for YOU and no one else. Find a hobby, find a place where you can seek solace, pray, go running, craft, cook, etc.  Also everyone is going to give you their 2 cents, just like I am currently doing about how to "feel better". But bottom line is YOU have to do what is best for you at the time.  The best thing I learned during this time in my life was that it is ok to be selfish. Take care of yourself. Do whatever it is what makes YOU feel better.

8. People say the darndest things
When we are in such a negative state of mind, almost anything anyone says to you is and can be upsetting. I never showed it, but I always came home and cried. The best thing you can do for yourself at this time is to tune out what other people say. Sometimes they just do not know what we are going through. Which brings me to my next item of business... 

9. Speak up
Im totally serious about this one. FIND SOMEONE you can relate to, and talk about it. The best therapy can and will be conversation. Also, sometimes people just plain do not know what we are going through and they probably should. I happen to be pretty good at keeping all of this to myself when it was happening, so people never knew they were hurting my feelings by shouting their excitements of pregnancy, but deep down it stung.  SPEAK UP. Let people know you are having a hard time. They and you will be blessed by giving them the opportunity to serve YOU if you need it.

10. Stay Busy
I cant stress enough how important it is to keep your mind busy. Lucky for me, I was in school and working so the times I did stress or allow my mind to wander were when I was not as busy. Clean your house, craft, exercise, read a book, study, work, ANYTHING to keep your mind off what is in there nice and deep is definitely extremely helpful and can keep you from slipping into depression. Ask a supportive friend or spouse to help you. Huston was really good about keeping us busy and out of the house so that my mind wouldn't wander to my dark place. Trust me, It Helps.


I cant really describe my feelings.. but I can honestly say, this was one of the hardest times in my whole life. My emotions/hormones were out of control, I was angry with everyone, I cried ALL the time, I hated my friends who were "happy or pregnant". I guess we could come to the conclusion that for almost a year I was in a deep depression. I didn't even realize it because some months I was personally stronger than others.

Looking back, in hindsight I can clearly see the difference these ten things have made in my life. Now that our "wait" is over, I thank the Lord everyday for blessing us, Finally... with our special little girl!