The Arbinger Institute

Arbinger is a worldwide institute that helps organizations, families, individuals, and communities solve the problems created by self-deception.


They at Arbinger share a deep understanding and passion for our compelling model of human understanding. It offers people a common language for openly and clearly discussing - and settling - their differences. And it works across cultures, races, classes, religions and beliefs.

***On Saturday we had the oppurtunity to attend a workshop for this institute and I believe it will be life changing. The workshop we attended was called "THE CHOICE" and it is AMAZING. I was not sure what to expect as I only signed up to do it for my friend who had to teach it to get certified, but I was not prepared at all for what I was about to learn. Really cool stuff. Life changing, heart strings tugging kind of stuff. Needless to say, I have alot to change about myself, and I think we both learned alot about how to better communicate in our marraige by being non-resistant.

I will sum up a little bit of what I learned.. but if you ever have the oppurtunity to attend ARBINGER ever in your life, DO IT!

1. There are two Ways of Being- The responsive way where we see others as people, and the resistant way where we see others as obejects
2. Way of being is deeper and more important than behavior
3. When we betray ouselves, we enter the resistant way of being
4. In the resistant way of being, we see others and ourselves in ways that justify our own self-betrayals.
5. Over a lifetime of self-betrayal, we develop characteristic self-justifying ways of seeing ourselves and the world; we carry our "boxes" with us.
6. In the box, we provoke others to get in the box as well, and the mistreatment we then get from others gives us justification for staying in the box.
7. We get out of the box not by focusing on ourselves, but by responding to others- that is, by recieving the humanity of those we have been resisting. We cease resisting them.
8. Responsive relationships and memories give us leverage to get out of the box in other areas of our lives
9. Once out of the box, we stay out of the box by doing for others what we feel we should do.

Basically in this workshop, we learned about the two different "Ways of being" -discussed our "sense's and our desires" and then SELF BETRAYAL. Once you have betrayed your original sense, you are then in Self betrayal which is the ultimate state of justification and you begin to see people as ojects.

For example- If i had a "sense" to take a friend dinner because i felt they needed it, and i didnt... I would begin the self betrayal process by justifying my action..and putting myself above "said" friend. For instance, well im just too busy, i dont have time to make them dinner. or..They really dont need it that bad, and we cant afford to feed four people tonight. - When you enter the stage of self-betrayal you are seeing people in the resistant way-and thinking of them as only "objects" and not as people.

Did i spark your interest yet??

Anyway.. As the workshop went on, we learned that by being in "self betrayal" we put ourselves in a box. and then we learn how to get ourselves out of the box. Ultimately the workshop taught me how to identify the problem, and solve it. In other words, identify my ignored "sense" and then get myself back to a place where i feel that "sense" again.

The 4 ways mentioned to getting out of the box were:
1. Realize your in the box
2. While in the box- find an out of the box place (start thinking of positives)
3. Ponder the situation anew (look at it from a different stand point)
and
4. Follow your sense- and do what you feel you should do for that person you are "in the box" with

The cool thing about this workshop is that it can be used in almost every situation of life. With work, school, home, family, marraige... etc. I will admit.. there are times I am "in the box" with Huston.

this blog post is getting long already, and I barely scratched the surface. After all it was a 4 1/2 hour workshop-but well worth our time. Im glad we were able to help a friend out, and actually learn some much needed material. Humbling experience!